Category: Love

Ever Tried Forcing a Woman Into Like You?

Have you ever tried to force somebody to do something that they didn’t want to do? How did that work out for you? My guess would be it didn’t work out very well at all for either of you.

The same applies for women the simple truth is you cannot force a women to like you.
I constantly see guys trying to force girls into liking them, I’m not talking about physically forcing them, more along the lines of trying to talk her into liking him, or even worse trying to buy her things or trying to impress her so she will like him.
This is a bad idea when you meet somebody for the first time; it shows you are a very low status guy, and no women wants to date a guy with low status. If you are talking to a girl that you like and for some reason she tells you she is not interested in you, don’t beg and plead or try and force her to change her mind, by doing this all you will be showing her is that she made the right decision to get rid of you in the first place.
Instead you need to set yourself up as the high status person who picks and chooses who he dates, so how do you do this? Simple you do the work on yourself to become this person, the person that she is trying to impress and it’s not as hard as it sounds to become this guy.
So again if you find yourself trying to force girls to like you STOP IT!
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How do we assess our self-esteem?

One of the consequences of having low self-esteem is not wanting to put ourselves in strange situations.

So going to a professional and asking for a ‘self-esteem test’ is just not something we would be likely to do.   The benefit of the internet is that we can now easily find information about self-esteem, and ways of assessing or measuring our own.
If we start to feel reluctant to do things, and feel we are beginning to have lots of negative thoughts about ourselves then this is a sign that something is wrong.  When we avoid starting things we know we have to do, and when we begin to think we don’t deserve to be loved, and are less important than those around us, we should be thinking about assessing our self-esteem.
Visit the World Wide Web, and we can find tests for children, tests for women, and general tests.  They all vary slightly, and there are free tests and tests you pay for.  Generally the free ones give you a score, and a brief indication of the areas in which your self-esteem could do with boosting
On the other hand you can sign up and pay for a much more detailed assessment of your self-esteem, and suggestions for ways to use positive thinking, positive affirmations and positive attitudes to improve your self-esteem and to help you develop self-confidence and the ability to face new experiences and challenges with a smile.
It is important however to recognize that in some instances it is best to find a recommended professional, rather than use internet tests.  For example, if you feel that your child or younger brother or sister have low self-esteem and it is affecting them in a serious way, you should talk to someone with professional training, or an adult in whom you have trust, like a teacher.

For children the development of self-esteem begins at an early age, and the way they feel can vary from one stage of development to another, depending on the circumstances of their lives.
For children with seriously low self-esteem, getting the right help is very important.  For parents of children with low self-esteem it is very important to consider how our own behavior can influence their self-regard.
Children feel reassured by parents who are calm, warm and loving. It is important to give children reassurance that helps them open up and explain how they feel.
It is important to be sensitive when children feel they are not succeeding.  Telling them how proud you are of their efforts, how much you think they have achieved, is better than telling them they will surely get in the team ‘next’ time, or pass the exam ‘next time’.
Children will be facing lots of different ‘new’ experiences of course and should have realistic expectations of their achievement. No child is going to win everything or be top at everything.  Most of us don’t get to be top at anything.  Most of us are just regular people.
Doing something to the best of our ability is what most of us aim for.  Success in life is not about being ‘the best’.  Success is about all sorts of things.
Children need to know they are succeeding, so need to know about all the ways in which they can succeed.
It is always a good idea to praise children when they show that they are:
Being good friends to other children
Learning to value themselves and others
Helping younger children as mentors
Putting all their effort into new challenges
Learning how to treat other people well
Learning how to deal with coming second or third, or twenty third
Learning the difference between good behavior and bad behavior
Being able to deal with criticism
If children have low self-esteem it can be hard for them to explain how they feel.  This can be very difficult if they already feel they are failing, and not as good or clever as their friends.  Gentle support will help children feel comfortable enough to tell you how they feel.

For adults there are a range of self-tests available on the internet that can help us assess our level of self-esteem.  There are also some for older children which are worded in a way that children will feel comfortable with.
But we can ask some simple questions like…..
Do you feel comfortable trying new things and meeting new people?
Do you think you are generally liked?
Do you think you have the respect of your work colleagues?
Do you feel happy most of the time?
Do you look forward to new challenges?
Do you value your own opinion?
If you answer yes to these questions you probably don’t have low self-esteem.   However if you think you have low self-esteem, you might want to find out more.
Sometime it helps just to read about self-esteem and think about how feel about what we have read.  We may feel that although we don’t have the ‘optimum’ level of self-esteem, we are reasonably self-confident and just need to have a bit of a tinker with some of our attitudes and feelings.
For example, an understanding of how our level of self-esteem is formed can give us a better feel for our level of esteem.  Our experiences with our family and other people as we are growing up will be very instrumental in developing our self-esteem.

If we are treated well, kindly and fairly by our parents, teachers and peers, we are more likely to have a healthy level of self-esteem.  However if we are treated badly, and we believe unfairly, it is more likely that our self-esteem will be low.  Regular criticism, being told we are ‘useless’ ‘stupid’ etc., being constantly being reminded of our failings – these are likely to damage our self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can result if we are generally told we are ‘useless’ or ‘stupid’.   If we are shouted at, or ignored, or made to feel we are in the way, or not really wanted – these attitudes are damaging to self-esteem.
On the other hand, if we experience a kind and understanding reaction to an exam failure, or not getting a certain job or onto the netball or football team, we may from an early age understand that one exam failure doesn’t mean we are failures as people.

Supportive and loving parents, and others who keep things in a sensible perspective, will help us develop a good and healthy level of self-esteem.  These people will want us to feel good about ourselves.  They won’t want us to have negative feelings about ourselves, and they won’t want us to be full of ourselves either.
Sadly, many people who suffer from low self-esteem find it hard to develop good communication skills.  For their children this can be devastating, and serves to pass down to the next generation the same difficulties and concerns they have themselves.
If we can learn from this, we can see that the way those who have hurt us have behaved reflects more on themselves than it does on us.  They don’t want to hurt us, but don’t know how to behave differently.
Learning that self-esteem is itself a ‘learned’ behavior is important in helping us to change our view of ourselves.  If something is learned, it can often be unlearned.
If we can learn how to value ourselves more fairly, we can influence our future behavior, our future life chances.  Perhaps most importantly, we can learn how to behave better with our own children or other youngsters in order to improve their life chances too.
We are complex individuals, and have individual abilities, characteristics, skills and mannerisms.
Winning at sport, succeeding in exams, being talented in music, art or languages are examples of things we aspire to, and areas in which we will inevitably have to compete with others
Our value as individuals is not defined by any one of these achievements or indeed by any one thing at all.  So not being in the top 10 of the class at French, or not being chosen for the football team, is no reason to feel a failure.
Having a girl friend or boyfriend is not essential for happiness either.   If we evaluate ourselves that way, we are failing to understand that self-worth, and how others see us is about our self-perception and behavior, how we deal with the ups and downs of life, and how we behave with other people.
If we are able to say for example:-
“I really tried my best, but am not likely to be in the Olympic swimming team”
“I can see that my friend John gets on really well with my other friend James, this doesn’t mean that they don’t like me.”
This shows a rational reaction. This shows to other people that you recognize your strengths and weaknesses. It shows that you can be understanding and not resentful of others. It also shows that you can be self-deprecating.
This is quite different from self-pity as it does not require people to respond by saying ‘oh you mustn’t worry – you will find something else you are good at – don’t upset yourself.  Self-deprecation is normally a sign of healthy modesty, but with humor!
If however we say:-
“Oh I am such a complete failure, I never succeed at anything, I don’t know why I bother to try.”
“No-one really cares about me, and I don’t blame them, the other kids are much more interesting.”
“I quite see why I don’t have a partner, I wouldn’t want to go out with me.”
These statements show a low level of self-confidence and self-esteem.  We can however learn to deal with situations differently.  We have to begin to see that feeling negative about ourselves is catching, and we really don’t want other people to think badly of us.
So we have to develop strategies for thinking in a positive way.  For example:-
“I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend at the moment, so I can really put lots of time and energy into my music.”
“Two of my friends get on really well, which is great to see”.
“I am not an astounding success, but I really do enjoy having a go at something new”.

Hot Women With Kid

Learn To Approach Question: Some friends set me up on a blind date you months ago with the girl they said that I would like and they were right.

At dinner he told me that she already had a child was four years old she is 28 and did that bother me? She was absolutely gorgeous so what was I going to say, I told her it didn’t bother me at all and for the first month or so it didn’t. Now every time I call her and try and organize things we have to work around the child. How can I become more important to her than her child because I really like her. Stefan UK
My Thoughts: Stefan. Mate thanks for  the question and am very happy that your blind date went well for you. Blind dating can be very nerve-racking and rarely works out but it sounds like you’re one of the success stories. I have to be honest with you if the relationship is going to work between you and this girl you are going to have to put in a lot more effort.

I’m not going to go into detail on how you can become more important to her than a child because that will never happen. The child will always come first I can only hope that you haven’t told her you want to be more important to her than her own child, if you did tell her this chances are you’re no longer seeing her.
If you are the kind of guy who is spontaneous dating a single mother would never work. I say that because you can’t just call a single mother at 10 o’clock at night and organized to catch up, as the child will be sleeping. It’s for this reason I don’t date single mothers, as I’m very spontaneous and my work is the very busy.
I am thinking that you knew the child would be a problem because you said she was actually gorgeous so what was I going to say. This was the perfect time to you to be honest and tell her that the child may have been a problem for you, instead you’re now in a situation where you really like this girl but there is a child involved.
Let’s play a game let’s imagine the woman that you are dating has an identical twin sister who doesn’t have a child. If you had to choose between the two identical sisters who had the exact same personality traits and you decide to date the system with out a child the best advice I can give you would be to end the relationship and just stay friends with her. If it’s only been a couple of months and the child you is already a problem the problem is only going to get worse over the years.
I can guarantee you they’re a women out there with no children who are looking to meet a guy just like you if your job to find them
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Hey, Call Me Back

Learn To Approach Question: When I go out with my friends I have absolutely no problem in walking up to women and starting a conversation, normally the conversations go really well I get her phone number and we plan to meet out at another time.

When I called them a few days later the ones that actually take my calls always seem to break the date or tell me that they’ve gotten back with your ex-boyfriend, what is it that I’m doing wrong.   Jerry UK
My Thoughts: Hey Jerry thanks for the question. Believe it or not I get asked this question frequently from reading your e-mail it sounds like you’re at the stage where approaching women is no problem but getting the correct phone number and/or making sure she’s excited to hear from you seems to be the problem, don’t stress yourself in not alone with this problem.

You may not believe this but getting a girl’s phone number is simple anybody can do it, getting a girl to give you her correct phone number and be excited to hear from you is another skill set completely. First of all I want to congratulate you if you are at the stage where you can see a woman you would like to meet you have the confidence to approach her and start a conversation.

The best advice I can give you here is forget about getting her phone number, now I know that may sound a little counterintuitive but hear me out. When guys start coming comfortable approaching women they want to move to the next step which is to get her phone number, the whole time they are speaking with her back thinking to themselves how am I going to get her phone number.

The next time you’re speaking to a woman for the first time forget about getting her phone number, just be in the moment with her and make sure she is having fun but most importantly make sure she feels comfortable with you. Planning a date ahead is also a good idea for instant you may bring up a café that you like to go to, then you can organize to meet her there.
A few months ago I wrote an article about getting girls phone numbers which may give you some more tips.
Have A Question For Me: I love to hear from the guys who read my blogs and articles. If you have a question for me simply join the mailing list and you will be given our special members only question and answer email address