Eye Contact Attraction I constantly asked questions about body language

No I believe that researching and studying body language is a pretty good place to start, but if you really want to have a level of success with women but most guys would never ever have I would spend more time studying eye contact and eye contact attraction .
There’s an old saying that says the eyes of the window to the soul now I don’t know if I totally agree with this but after many years in this industry I can assure you that her eyes and her eye movements will tell you much more about her than what her body language will. It’s also important to note that unlike the body language her eyes will never lie.
Now chances are if you saw a girl with her arms crossed you would say shut off, now this may be true but it also may mean she is just cold. Over the years I have known countless guys who have made a decision on whether or not they will approach a woman by her body language, I would say that in 99% of the cases their evaluation of her body language was wrong.
The eyes are very powerful if a beautiful woman looks across at you and makes eye contact with you and you quickly look away subconsciously she will believe that you are not a confident guy, but on the other hand if you make eye contact with her and give her a little smile and she looks away you will find that she is waiting for you to approach her.
Would you believe me if I told you that if a girl is lying her eyes will always go to the same position, what about if I told you that her eyes will always go to the same position when she’s going back to a memory would you believe me then? Well the fact is this is true and has been proven time and time again. This is the reason eye contact and eye contact attraction is something that you not only need to learn this something that you need to be able to master.
If you really want to improve your success with women take some time and do some research on the eye contact attraction and eye movements. I can guarantee you if you spend as much time researching the power of the eyes instead of stupid and lame pickup lines will find yourself dating the women that you have only ever dreamt of.
If you want a fast track your success with women our 10 week course has been designed to bring you a level of success with women that you never thought possible.

Ever Tried Forcing a Woman Into Like You?

Have you ever tried to force somebody to do something that they didn’t want to do? How did that work out for you? My guess would be it didn’t work out very well at all for either of you.

The same applies for women the simple truth is you cannot force a women to like you.
I constantly see guys trying to force girls into liking them, I’m not talking about physically forcing them, more along the lines of trying to talk her into liking him, or even worse trying to buy her things or trying to impress her so she will like him.
This is a bad idea when you meet somebody for the first time; it shows you are a very low status guy, and no women wants to date a guy with low status. If you are talking to a girl that you like and for some reason she tells you she is not interested in you, don’t beg and plead or try and force her to change her mind, by doing this all you will be showing her is that she made the right decision to get rid of you in the first place.
Instead you need to set yourself up as the high status person who picks and chooses who he dates, so how do you do this? Simple you do the work on yourself to become this person, the person that she is trying to impress and it’s not as hard as it sounds to become this guy.
So again if you find yourself trying to force girls to like you STOP IT!
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How do we begin to improve our self-esteem?

One of the first steps in building our self-esteem is to believe that it is possible to do it.  It is also necessary to believe in ‘self-help’.

For most people the lack of healthy self-esteem is whilst serious, not so debilitating that professional intervention is necessary.  Sadly for some, professional help is necessary at least initially. If we are concerned about a young child having very low self-esteem then it is much better to seek out some professional guidance.
It is when first recognizing the need for improving our self-esteem, or self-image, that the success stories of others can be of most help.  Feeling isolated and helpless is a very difficult starting point for self-help.
Thankfully, with the development of the internet, one of the greatest benefits is having access to millions of other individuals without necessarily leaving your sitting room.  When you see how many people have benefited from the stories of others it gives real hope.  One of the worst things about lacking in self confidence is feeling that no one else knows what its like.
Once you can believe in the possibility of change through self-help, you can review the methods advocated by experts, professionals, and individuals who have managed to improve their lives by learning how to value themselves.

Valuing yourself is also about valuing others.  It is recognizing that we all have rights, we all have value, and we also all have a responsibility to behave in an appropriate way to each other.
There are various ways in which we can start to build our self-esteem, some are physical, and some are about training ourselves to think and act positively.
Physical health is really very important too.  A healthy body helps you to have a healthy attitude.  Regular exercise makes you feel good physically.  It helps you sleep well, and both exercise and sleep help you function well mentally as well as physically.
How we feel can be affected by the production of chemicals and hormones, which is closely linked to our generally physical wellbeing.
Eating a good diet, and avoiding foods that have a dramatic up and down effect on your blood sugars, will help keep you calm and focused.  Too much carbohydrate, particularly sugars, can give feelings of physical low or high.
It is far better to keep a regular blood sugar level by eating the right foods, and eating little and often.  Snacking on fast food is definitely not that good for blood sugar levels.  It is far better to eat ‘brain’ food and healthy foods, like celery sticks, carrots, cucumber sticks, and fresh raw vegetables, than packets of crisps, salty nuts and biscuits.
You also need to set some guidelines for how you are going to spend your time.
In addition to a healthy diet, regular exercise and getting enough sleep, you should ensure that you make time to enjoy yourself.  We often feel we ‘should’ be doing this or that, and feeling guilty about time spent just enjoying ourselves.

However, have fun and enjoyment helps our systems release ‘good’ natural chemicals.  Laughing is now known to be incredibly good for our health.   If we are smiling and happy, we are likely to make the people around us comfortable.  If we are frowning, looking worried, and generally miserable, we will be giving the wrong signals to people around us.
Think about what hobbies or interests you would like to spend time on.  We all like different things and have different lives.  Some of us like sports, whilst others are not sporty but still need some exercise.
There is no point in forcing yourself to join a team sport when really you would get far more enjoyment if you had two long walks a week, and read one or two good books.  However some of us really don’t enjoy reading, but love joining in with sports and activities.
Whatever we choose, we should be thinking about spending less time in front of the TV or the computer screen, and more time in the fresh air, reading a good book, learning a new skill, or developing a new hobby.
Finding something that is of real interest is important.
One regularly recommended activity is yoga.  For centuries this has been considered to be one of the best activities for our bodies, our minds, and our nervous systems.   Most yoga teachers will incorporate into their classes, some relaxation techniques.  These are often accompanied by ‘affirmations’ like ‘everything is good in my world’  ‘I am happy and healthy and love life’
Yoga is best learned with a teacher, as it is important not to strain the body and posture is very important.  However there are tapes and DVDs and lots of books if you can’t find a class locally.
Most people who practice yoga find that it has improved their lives immeasurably both physically and mentally. They feel more relaxed, physically fitter, and more limber.  They become comfortable with ‘positive thinking’ and understand that thinking negatively is not healthy.  With yoga we learn to relax, and we learn the importance of living a healthy life and making sensible decisions in order to care for our bodies and our minds.
Getting things into perspective is also very important.  Learning not to dwell on things when they go wrong is a good way of leaving some damaging thoughts behind you.
Once something has happened, it has happened – and it is gone. We can learn from events, but there is no value in worrying about something that is now in the past, and about which you can do nothing.  You can’t go back and change it.

It is worth remembering too, that other people probably won’t remember it – they won’t be thinking about it each time they see you – they won’t judge your whole character on the basis of it either.
Someone once said to me that unless something is still going to be a problem a year next Wednesday, you might as well just let it go!  And how many things are there to worry about a year next Wednesday?  Not many! Carrying worrying and negative thoughts around with you is a burden.  It stops you dealing with the next thing with an open and positive mind.  It limits your opportunity to do well in the next thing you do
So don’t feel you must be overly critical of yourself, and when you achieve something, you should pat yourself on the shoulder, reward yourself if you think it appropriate.  Again don’t dwell on it – there will be lots of other successes.
Sometimes of course, times are tough.  Work is hard, things don’t go right, and people around you are putting you under pressure.  Learn that it is best not to let things get you down too much.
Sometimes we need to take time out to think about something that is happening.  Ask ourselves what if anything we can do to make things better. If it’s a situation that we cannot influence, sometimes we have to just hang on in there and carry on.
Put on a brave face, chin up and try and behave as though all is well.  Soon it will be, and you will have shown self-belief that you will get through a tough time.  You will have learnt to believe in yourself.  This is success!
Success builds on success – it really is true.  Once you begin to believe in yourself it feels like a weight is lifted and your enjoyment of life increases.  Everything seems to be suddenly more achievable.
The ability to help ourselves is invaluable.  Sometimes however hard it is to do, we benefit enormously by asking others to help us too.  It is hard sometimes to know where to start, and hard to know exactly what help you are asking for.  Although it’s hard to do, sometimes it’s helpful to ask your friends or family for their honest input.
Finding out how others see us is difficult but valuable.  Find someone you trust and ask them how they see you.  Ask them what it is about you that they think defines you.  They may tell you they feel you are honest, loyal, and caring.  They may say they think you have a wonderful sense of humor.
Try drawing up a list of what you think are your strengths and weaknesses and ask your friends if they think this is a true assessment.

We are none of us perfect, so if we are told that some ‘home truths’ about our character it’s not the end of the world.  If we don’t realize these things we are not likely to think about changing them for the better.
Developing good self-esteem is also about being realistic.  It is not necessary to suddenly aspire to dizzy heights of success in everything you do.  It is about understanding where your strengths and weaknesses are, and thinking about how you can make the most of the former, and improve on the latter.
It is about knowing that you are what you are, and knowing that you can be a positive, confident person, worthy of being loved and respected.
If you want to know how to pick up girls you need to know that but you feel unable to approach friends or family, consider talking to a professional.  Most large organizations will have counseling services available for their employees, and if you are a student, there will be counseling services available within nearly all educational institutions.
Counselors will deal with your concerns in a confidential way.  You don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want to.  Whilst it used to be unusual for people to have counseling, life has become much more complex for many of us, and counseling is now seen as a sensible way to deal with problems and promote good health.
Counseling is a very personal thing.  It is essential to feel confident in your counselor. Remember that you should have the right to reject a counselor if you are not happy with them.  Ask you could see someone else if you feel uncomfortable.  This in itself is a difficult task for someone with low self-esteem, but it is worth it – and so are you!!

How do we assess our self-esteem?

One of the consequences of having low self-esteem is not wanting to put ourselves in strange situations.

So going to a professional and asking for a ‘self-esteem test’ is just not something we would be likely to do.   The benefit of the internet is that we can now easily find information about self-esteem, and ways of assessing or measuring our own.
If we start to feel reluctant to do things, and feel we are beginning to have lots of negative thoughts about ourselves then this is a sign that something is wrong.  When we avoid starting things we know we have to do, and when we begin to think we don’t deserve to be loved, and are less important than those around us, we should be thinking about assessing our self-esteem.
Visit the World Wide Web, and we can find tests for children, tests for women, and general tests.  They all vary slightly, and there are free tests and tests you pay for.  Generally the free ones give you a score, and a brief indication of the areas in which your self-esteem could do with boosting
On the other hand you can sign up and pay for a much more detailed assessment of your self-esteem, and suggestions for ways to use positive thinking, positive affirmations and positive attitudes to improve your self-esteem and to help you develop self-confidence and the ability to face new experiences and challenges with a smile.
It is important however to recognize that in some instances it is best to find a recommended professional, rather than use internet tests.  For example, if you feel that your child or younger brother or sister have low self-esteem and it is affecting them in a serious way, you should talk to someone with professional training, or an adult in whom you have trust, like a teacher.

For children the development of self-esteem begins at an early age, and the way they feel can vary from one stage of development to another, depending on the circumstances of their lives.
For children with seriously low self-esteem, getting the right help is very important.  For parents of children with low self-esteem it is very important to consider how our own behavior can influence their self-regard.
Children feel reassured by parents who are calm, warm and loving. It is important to give children reassurance that helps them open up and explain how they feel.
It is important to be sensitive when children feel they are not succeeding.  Telling them how proud you are of their efforts, how much you think they have achieved, is better than telling them they will surely get in the team ‘next’ time, or pass the exam ‘next time’.
Children will be facing lots of different ‘new’ experiences of course and should have realistic expectations of their achievement. No child is going to win everything or be top at everything.  Most of us don’t get to be top at anything.  Most of us are just regular people.
Doing something to the best of our ability is what most of us aim for.  Success in life is not about being ‘the best’.  Success is about all sorts of things.
Children need to know they are succeeding, so need to know about all the ways in which they can succeed.
It is always a good idea to praise children when they show that they are:
Being good friends to other children
Learning to value themselves and others
Helping younger children as mentors
Putting all their effort into new challenges
Learning how to treat other people well
Learning how to deal with coming second or third, or twenty third
Learning the difference between good behavior and bad behavior
Being able to deal with criticism
If children have low self-esteem it can be hard for them to explain how they feel.  This can be very difficult if they already feel they are failing, and not as good or clever as their friends.  Gentle support will help children feel comfortable enough to tell you how they feel.

For adults there are a range of self-tests available on the internet that can help us assess our level of self-esteem.  There are also some for older children which are worded in a way that children will feel comfortable with.
But we can ask some simple questions like…..
Do you feel comfortable trying new things and meeting new people?
Do you think you are generally liked?
Do you think you have the respect of your work colleagues?
Do you feel happy most of the time?
Do you look forward to new challenges?
Do you value your own opinion?
If you answer yes to these questions you probably don’t have low self-esteem.   However if you think you have low self-esteem, you might want to find out more.
Sometime it helps just to read about self-esteem and think about how feel about what we have read.  We may feel that although we don’t have the ‘optimum’ level of self-esteem, we are reasonably self-confident and just need to have a bit of a tinker with some of our attitudes and feelings.
For example, an understanding of how our level of self-esteem is formed can give us a better feel for our level of esteem.  Our experiences with our family and other people as we are growing up will be very instrumental in developing our self-esteem.

If we are treated well, kindly and fairly by our parents, teachers and peers, we are more likely to have a healthy level of self-esteem.  However if we are treated badly, and we believe unfairly, it is more likely that our self-esteem will be low.  Regular criticism, being told we are ‘useless’ ‘stupid’ etc., being constantly being reminded of our failings – these are likely to damage our self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can result if we are generally told we are ‘useless’ or ‘stupid’.   If we are shouted at, or ignored, or made to feel we are in the way, or not really wanted – these attitudes are damaging to self-esteem.
On the other hand, if we experience a kind and understanding reaction to an exam failure, or not getting a certain job or onto the netball or football team, we may from an early age understand that one exam failure doesn’t mean we are failures as people.

Supportive and loving parents, and others who keep things in a sensible perspective, will help us develop a good and healthy level of self-esteem.  These people will want us to feel good about ourselves.  They won’t want us to have negative feelings about ourselves, and they won’t want us to be full of ourselves either.
Sadly, many people who suffer from low self-esteem find it hard to develop good communication skills.  For their children this can be devastating, and serves to pass down to the next generation the same difficulties and concerns they have themselves.
If we can learn from this, we can see that the way those who have hurt us have behaved reflects more on themselves than it does on us.  They don’t want to hurt us, but don’t know how to behave differently.
Learning that self-esteem is itself a ‘learned’ behavior is important in helping us to change our view of ourselves.  If something is learned, it can often be unlearned.
If we can learn how to value ourselves more fairly, we can influence our future behavior, our future life chances.  Perhaps most importantly, we can learn how to behave better with our own children or other youngsters in order to improve their life chances too.
We are complex individuals, and have individual abilities, characteristics, skills and mannerisms.
Winning at sport, succeeding in exams, being talented in music, art or languages are examples of things we aspire to, and areas in which we will inevitably have to compete with others
Our value as individuals is not defined by any one of these achievements or indeed by any one thing at all.  So not being in the top 10 of the class at French, or not being chosen for the football team, is no reason to feel a failure.
Having a girl friend or boyfriend is not essential for happiness either.   If we evaluate ourselves that way, we are failing to understand that self-worth, and how others see us is about our self-perception and behavior, how we deal with the ups and downs of life, and how we behave with other people.
If we are able to say for example:-
“I really tried my best, but am not likely to be in the Olympic swimming team”
“I can see that my friend John gets on really well with my other friend James, this doesn’t mean that they don’t like me.”
This shows a rational reaction. This shows to other people that you recognize your strengths and weaknesses. It shows that you can be understanding and not resentful of others. It also shows that you can be self-deprecating.
This is quite different from self-pity as it does not require people to respond by saying ‘oh you mustn’t worry – you will find something else you are good at – don’t upset yourself.  Self-deprecation is normally a sign of healthy modesty, but with humor!
If however we say:-
“Oh I am such a complete failure, I never succeed at anything, I don’t know why I bother to try.”
“No-one really cares about me, and I don’t blame them, the other kids are much more interesting.”
“I quite see why I don’t have a partner, I wouldn’t want to go out with me.”
These statements show a low level of self-confidence and self-esteem.  We can however learn to deal with situations differently.  We have to begin to see that feeling negative about ourselves is catching, and we really don’t want other people to think badly of us.
So we have to develop strategies for thinking in a positive way.  For example:-
“I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend at the moment, so I can really put lots of time and energy into my music.”
“Two of my friends get on really well, which is great to see”.
“I am not an astounding success, but I really do enjoy having a go at something new”.